Tiffany sets off to accomplish one of her New Year’s resolutions—a month of buying nothing (beyond the essentials of daily life)—and we talk about it on Episode 554: How to Buy Nothing.
In an effort to better understand her spending habits, save a bit of money, and pare down the superfluous matter in her home, she attempts to spend nothing but the essential cost of living for the entire month.
Will she succeed? And will this more intentional way of spending affect a lasting change in her financial life? We discuss this and more on this week’s episode.
You can listen right here, or find the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, and elsewhere.
Related Episodes:
Episode 514: Did We Keep Our New Year’s Resolutions?
Bittersweet Moment #52: Shopping and Consumerism in the Time of Coronavirus
Bittersweet Moment #27: BUDGET
Here are 5 key points from the episode:
- Tiffany is doing a “no buy month” where she’s not purchasing unnecessary items, while still allowing for essentials and work-related expenses.
- The purpose of the no buy month is to assess spending habits, gauge if reining in spending is needed, and reduce clutter/excess possessions.
- Tiffany is also purging and donating items, particularly focusing on books, kitchen items, and clothes. This process makes her more mindful about future purchases.
- The conversation touches on differences in shopping experiences between Italy and the US, noting how Italian shops often require more interaction with staff.
- They discuss the challenges of decluttering, especially with sentimental items or when family members (like Tiffany’s son and husband) are reluctant to part with things.
Full Episode Transcript:
Katy
Hello. This is The Bittersweet Life. I’m Katy Sewall.
Tiffany
I’m Tiffany Parks.
Katy
Tiffany in Rome. Katy somewhere in Italy. Not in Rome anymore, but that’s beside the point. Usually Katy’s in Seattle. Tiffany long term expat. Katy short term expat, now back home again. But today’s topic is a very popular topic in some ways. It’s often a topic people talk about more in the spring, I feel. But we’re gonna do it here in the fall, and that’s in part because of what Tiffany is up to right now these days. Tiffany, what are you doing right now?
Tiffany
Well, I am actually fulfilling one of my current New Year’s resolutions, if you remember that episode at the beginning of the year, which is that I am having a no buy month this month. So I have made the commitment not to buy anything. Now, of course, I’m still buying groceries, I’m still paying my bills, and I’m still buying necessary things for Aurelio, her son.
Katy
Yes, yes.
Tiffany
But I am not, you know, I’m not buying unnecessary things. And I mean, I hate to use the word unnecessary, because some things really are necessary. Even if they are, you know, you’re not going to die without them. You know? So it’s actually kind of, I’m discovering it’s a little bit harder to draw the line.
Katy
Yeah.
Tiffany
I’m just. I mean, it’s early days, but I’m figuring it out as I go along.
Katy
Give me an example of some of those lines when you try to think about what is necessary and what is not necessary.
Tiffany
Okay? So believe it or not, and if you knew me when I was a kid, a young person, teenager, you would not believe me. If you knew, if you were in my college roommate, you wouldn’t. You’re not going to believe this, but it’s the truth. I have very, very few pairs of shoes, okay? I used to have a lot of shoes. I was never like, a sex and the city level of shoes. But, I mean, I brought probably 30, 35 pairs of shoes with me to college.
Katy
Oh, my goodness.
Tiffany
Yeah. My roommate thought I was crazy. Wow. And, yeah, I do not have anywhere near that number of shoes today. Although most people, I think, who are living, like, you know, in their. I don’t want to say forever home, but, you know, who’ve been living in the same place for a long time and who haven’t had moving as a necessity to get rid of a lot of stuff, probably at, you know, when they reach my age, have gathered up a lot of pairs of shoes. So I don’t think it’s that crazy to have 30 pairs of shoes, you know, as a 40 year old woman, but I have way fewer than that. I don’t have a lot of shoes. And when we were in Japan, brought with me. I mean, I’m so impressed with myself, especially looking back at my younger self. I brought with me, like, I. A pair of really good athletic shoes.
Katy
Okay.
Tiffany
For the, you know, the 90% of the time, I bought a pair of flat sandals that are super comfortable, and I brought a pair of dressy sandals. It was summer, you know, so they’re chunky. And the fourth pair of shoes that I brought were, like, think of keds. They were not keds brand, but they were that kind of shoe. Like, kind of throw it on if you’re running out the door and you just need to, like, grab something and run back really easy. Slip on shoes. I loved those shoes because they were super comfortable. And, like, if I’m taking Aurelio outside, you know, and he’s gonna be running around on his bike, and I’m gonna be sitting down, they were perfect. And if I needed to kick a soccer ball around, I could kick a soccer ball around, but I, you know, I’m not going for a run in these shoes. But they were getting really, really ragged to the point where I’m like, you know what? I’m just gonna leave these, because my suitcase was getting overloaded with souvenirs and gifts I was buying, but I’m just gonna leave these behind. And of course, my son, who is a sentimentalist, oh, I love those shoes. But you wear those shoes all the time when we go out and play. Oh, those poor shoes. You can’t leave them behind. But I did, and now I’m like, God, I really need a pair of shoes like that, but I can’t go and buy them, right? Because that, to me, is not quite a necessity yet. Do I have a pair of working shoes? Yes. Do I have a pair of shoes that I can wear that are comfortable? If I need to do a tour, I need to go walk around? Yes. Okay. I don’t need those shoes. Is it gonna take longer to put on my sneakers? Is it gonna look less cute with my outfit? Yes, but I can handle it. So that was, for me, like one of the gray areas. But I decided that was not a necessity for right now. And so I’m holding off until next month to get myself another pair of shoes like that.
Katy
Right. And that is kind of the purpose of the no buy month, is you’re holding off. It makes you hold off. Okay, so that’s like one line, but would you consider, say, and I know this is a poor example for you because you don’t drink coffee, but I’m just gonna use this. Cause it’s so topical for most people, if you’re in the middle of a no by month and you normally get a daily cup of coffee, say, on your commute to work, would you consider something like that a no buy item?
Tiffany
Yes, absolutely.
Katy
Yeah. See, I would as well. But I know that some people would think of that as a necessity, so that’s why I wanted to see the line.
Tiffany
I think everybody has their own way of interpreting this kind of a thing, and there’s no right and wrong answers. But for me, I think going out, eating out is something that you don’t do during a no by month. You know, if my husband’s like, oh, let’s go out. I have this rare, you know, afternoon off, let’s. I want to take you out. You know, let’s go out to dinner. Let’s have an aperitivo. If his schedule is such that, you know, he rarely gets to go out at this time, and we get to go out and he wants to make a special night of it, and he’s going to pay, then that’s fine.
Katy
You’re not buying it?
Tiffany
As long as I’m not buying it. Now, am I going to go out and have lunch with a girlfriend? No. If I need to meet someone, like, let’s say I’m, let’s say I have to interview someone, Katy, for this show, something that happens rarely, but it does happen.
Katy
Sure.
Tiffany
And, you know, we’re gonna meet for a coffee. That is okay because it’s work.
Katy
Right, right. Okay, I see.
Tiffany
I’m not gonna meet up with a girlfriend. I’m not gonna go out for lunch with someone, even with my husband. I’m like, gonna be like, you know what? Let’s let’s try to, you know, if it’s, if it’s a really special occasion. Yeah, maybe. But let’s try to tone it down. Let’s try not to go. Let’s try not to exaggerate, as we would say in Italian.
Katy
Okay. And then let me get the other side. So is there anything you’ve encountered so far that you would consider a necessity? I know there’s that work example, but like, anything for yourself in particular that’s not some sort of a grocery item or like a dress?
Tiffany
Well, even some grocery items, you could, you could say, this is not a necessity, like chocolate, you know, but I’m not going there. I’m like, if I can get it at the supermarket, and I’m not talking about, like, the tv section of the supermarket, if it’s food and it comes from the supermarket. Italian supermarket, by the way. So not, not like, got a whole entire restaurant in there, right?
Katy
You’re not buying light bulbs or Crayola crayons.
Tiffany
Yeah, but here’s something that I decided not to cut out. And a lot of people would say this is not a necessity and actually agree that this is not a necessity. But in this case, I am not the only person involved. So I am still having my cleaner, who is an independent person, not a company, come and clean my house because I don’t think that it’s fair to be like, okay, I don’t need you this month. You know, it just doesn’t seem like a correct thing to do in regards to her. I, and so I am still having my house cleaned and I’m still like a guerrilla is having his piano lessons, you know, and I pay for those individually, so I am paying for that and things of that kind.
Katy
Well, yeah, that makes sense. Standing appointments, so to speak. But, like, what about a standing appointment? That would be like, say, you know, you have a haircut this month. Would you cancel it?
Tiffany
That I wouldn’t do, first of all, because I know that if I don’t go to my hair appointment, like, it’s not going to, obviously, I wouldn’t just not show up. I mean, I wouldn’t make the appointment. But, like, if I don’t go to my hairdresser, first of all, I go to my hairdresser pretty infrequently. I go like maybe three times a year. But I know that that is not going to make any difference to them whether I go or not.
Katy
Right.
Tiffany
Whereas, you know, my cleaner, who’s just one person and who has her roster of clients, and she obviously wants to have her time filled, and that’s a different thing.
Katy
Yeah.
Tiffany
So, no, I wouldn’t get a hair appointment. I wouldn’t get my nails done. I wouldn’t get a massage or anything like that. To me, those are not things that you get on a no buy month.
Katy
Okay, let’s examine the purpose of this no buy month. Maybe we talked about this on the new year’s episode, New Year’s resolution episode, but what is the reason for you wanting to do this? Was your spending just out of control?
Tiffany
No, I’m not a big spender, to be honest. I mean, I don’t think I am. Of course, it’s all relative. But I was starting to notice. I’m like, wow, like that credit card bill every month, man. I’m like, I spend that much. So there is that. Although I do buy my groceries and my credit card, so it seems a lot worse than it is. But it’s partly that, of course. It’s partly, like, to gauge if I am a big, like, if I do need to rein in my spending. See if. Is this going to be hard? Is this going to be something that is really a challenge for me? And if it is, maybe I need to reassess my, like, where I spend my money, but also honestly, like, I have too much stuff. I see this in an excessive way when I, when I’m in my son’s room and I’m like, you have too much stuff. Like, because he never gets rid of anything. Yeah, like, unlike, I’m not saying that, you know, he owns more stuff than I do. I’m sure I own more stuff than he does. It’s just his is all concentrated in his one room, but he never gets rid of anything. And I’m just like, you got too much stuff. It’s everywhere. It’s everywhere. Every shelf. It’s covered. And, I mean, it’s totally my fault, and his father’s fault and his grandparents fault. It’s not his completely his fault, but it’s. It’s true in so many other sense, you know, I mean, like, just look around your house and just see how much stuff you have everywhere.
Katy
Yeah.
Tiffany
I’m never going to be a minimalist, but I certainly would go that way as opposed to the other way. Like, if I had to choose, if someone said to me, you’re either going to be a minimalist or a hoarder, which one you have to pay.
Katy
That’s too dramatic, because I don’t think anybody would necessarily choose to be a hoarder. That’s a you know, that’s, I mean.
Tiffany
A lot of people. But, I mean, I’m not talking about, like, the tv show level of hoarding, okay. I’m not talking about, like, the people who risk death because their stuff might fall on them. I’m talking about people who just don’t get rid of anything and just have clutter everywhere. Everywhere, everywhere.
Katy
Okay. Well, given those two choices, I suppose I’d go minimalist also, but I would never consider myself a minimalist. But anyway, that’s beside the point. I do, what I do love about this exercise that you’re doing is that I do, like exercises. I mean, it’s similar to the new year’s resolution that we did where we do the no television, no screen, no, you know, no video. No video. Yeah, exactly. That’s the better way to put it, the no video month, because it puts an interruption into things. You might not be overspending or you might be, and yet you’ve set up this interruption that’s like, do I actually need this thing or not really. Those kind of interruptions are always probably good for us to a certain degree, you know?
Tiffany
Yeah.
Katy
It really helps to pause. Yeah.
Tiffany
And consider, it just, it stops you from going on autopilot, which is also what happened to me when I gave up the political consumption. It was incredible how my hand was on autopilot, and my hand, without me even thinking about it, would reach on my phone and I would open it up and I would, you know, go to the New York Times or I would go to Twitter when I had Twitter or, you know, some other site that was going to, you know, give me some or open a podcast or open a YouTube video. And it was like, I didn’t even think about it. It just all of a sudden I was watching this thing. I was like, what? You know, where did this come from? And so these kinds of exercises, even if they’re temporary, force you to be more conscious of these little tiny choices that you’re making all day long.
Katy
Yeah.
Tiffany
You know, whether it’s going on Amazon and like, oh, look at this. Look at this wonderful thing here. Let me just get this. And I’m like, no, yeah.
Katy
By the way, if you want to hear more about that political consumption that we talked about that in pretty great depth and humor over on the Patreon. So if you don’t support the show, we really go far into breaking certain kinds of addictions like that over there, Patreon.com, The Bittersweet Life podcast, where you can get a bunch of bonus episodes every month for as little as $5 a month. So go do that link in the show notes. Quick aside, very subtle, but yeah, that is so interesting, those little interruptions, because as you were saying, as you were speaking, like, the Amazon thing, or I would not consider myself much of a spender or a compulsive shopper at all. But there are times when you just feel sort of like, bored or down, and you’re like, well, maybe I’ll go to some store and be like, almost like, as if you buy something to perk yourself up a little bit. Have you ever had that impulse yet?
Tiffany
Absolutely. I don’t have it as much as I used to. I hate Italian shopping, which really helps and has helped me with my spending and my clothes shopping, particularly, because I can’t stand shopping over here. First of all, I just don’t like the fashion, not into it. And secondly, there’s never enough choice. Things are either they’re really made really badly or they’re really expensive. It’s one of the two. And so I’m just not that into shopping, and they’re not as good at marketing over here. And so you don’t walk past a shop and be like, oh, oh, my God, I need that. Like, in America, they’re just geniuses. And every time I go, especially the first few years that I had been living over here, when I would go back to the States and I would walk down the street, especially if I was somewhere like La or New York, I would walk by these shops and I would just feel like I was putty in their hands. Like, I was like, I need that. I need that. I need that, too. I need everything. I need everything in this shop. Just give it to me. All of it. And I don’t feel that when I’m over here, because they’re just not. There’s not as good.
Katy
You know what else? You know what else? And that the US has gotten really good about as far as shopping is concerned is that they really make shopping without having to talk to anybody. Very easy. Now, you can say hello to a shopkeeper when you come in if you want, but there’s also all this, like, unconscious. You’re just free to room, like, figure out what you want. I mean, Dreck and I touched on this a little bit in the episode that we did together a few weeks ago about how something I noticed very dramatically when I moved to Italy and didn’t know how to speak the language, that it was, like, nearly impossible to shop even if I had wanted to, the way that it was so not easy compared to what it’s like in the US. And the fact that you have to often have a conversation, like, one of the only places you could shop in Italy without having to talk to anybody. In that year, when I didn’t know how to speak the language and lived there for an entire year was the grocery store. It was like the only place, like, if you felt like you needed a little pick me up shopping, you’re like, well, I guess I’m buying eggs because it’s like the only thing I can do without talking to another human being. I might want to buy some gloves, but that is just far and beyond my capabilities. So I’m going to just go ahead and have cold hands and buy some more eggs. That’s all I’m capable of. And like, Jack and I were saying, I saved so much money that year. I mean, we didn’t have. We didn’t have any money that year either, you know, because we were there in a, like, very thin stipend. But at the same point, it would have been very hard for me to actually spend money that year.
Tiffany
It’s. I mean, in Rome, you know, Rome is a big city and there are big shops here. They don’t really compare with the states, but they are, you know, there’s Zara and mango and, you know, the gap and places like that where you can kind of shrug people off and be like, I’m just browsing. If you can learn the word for I’m just browsing. You know, you’re probably going to be okay. But in the smaller, in the boutiques, and this is doubly triply true for small towns, you are so right. You go in there and it is a conversation. And the person who works there is. I mean, they can be rude about it or they can be super friendly about it. Sometimes they’re on the extremes or somewhere in the middle, but they are going to have a conversation with you about it because you’re not just going to go wandering around, pick up their stuff. And sometimes the shops are made in such a way, especially the old fashioned shops. They’re literally laid out in such a way that you can’t really approach their wares on your own. And the first time that I encountered this on my own was when I was in Lucca as a 20 year old, spent a month in Lucca. And I did speak some Italian, not fluently, but I spoke it okay. I could get around and I needed to buy a strapless bra. And I went into, I mean, there were no big shops in that town. And so I went into this little intimate, that’s what they would call it, an intimate shop, lingerie shop. And it was this old lady behind the counter, and she’s like, what are you looking for? You know, her wears were very limited, but, you know, she kind of had a little bit of everything. And so I’m like, well, I’m looking for this, you know, a black strapless bra. You know, this is the size, you know, and she’s looking through the drawers, and she’s got these big drawers back there, and she’s just going through them. And she pulls, like, I’ve got, like, one choice, you know, maybe two.
Katy
Yeah.
Tiffany
And very expensive. Not any brand that I would ever recognize, but it’s probably very well made. You don’t even see this as much now as you did. That was, you know, that was several years ago now. That was over two decades ago. But that’s how a lot of shopping experiences happen in Italy. It can be really stressful if you don’t, like, if you’re not sure you want to buy something, because then you’re like, I just wasted an hour of this person’s time and I didn’t buy anything, you know? And so it makes you not even want to go in and browse anywhere because you’re like, if I do, then this person’s going to be extremely disappointed if I don’t buy anything.
Katy
Right?
Tiffany
So, yes, you’re totally right in those observations. And, yeah, it does save you a lot of money, though.
Katy
Yeah. Before we run out of time, I want to talk about your other aspect of this, because you said that in addition to your no buy month, you’re also going through and getting rid of things at the same time. It’s like a no buy and also purge kind of month. So what does that look like?
Tiffany
Well, it’s not just this month, though. It’s. This has been going on since probably the beginning of 2023.
Katy
Okay.
Tiffany
I have been on a purging, and I go through phases. I’ll get the itch. Like some people maybe get a buying itch. I don’t know. I get, like, a purging itch, and I just, I start going through the house and I start finding as many things as possible that I can sell nothing, sell so much, because I just don’t have the patience for that. But, like, donate, recycle, give away to somebody, or if it’s in bad enough condition, just trash. And I get. I kind of get off on it. Like, I really, really like doing it. And it makes me. It gives me so much satisfaction. And, I mean, I’ve always been like this. And I used to say, and I mean, it started with papers. I discovered this about myself when I discovered the love of getting rid of unnecessary papers that I had. And I used to jokingly say I throw my own birth certificate away if I could. Like, I throw everything away. Like, I would just get rid of everything as far as papers. But, I mean, I’ve. I’ve started because, you know, you, everyone who listens to this show knows I have a bit of a book addiction, particularly beautiful collector’s edition books. But I have limited amount of shelf space. And so what I do is I, you know, to make shelf space, I get rid of other books. And at first, it was very, very hard for me to do this because every book on my shelf is. I don’t want to say, like, I loved every book on my shelf, hadn’t even read every book on my shelf, but, you know, every book was contributing to my book collection, if that makes sense. And in my mind, like, the bigger my book collection was, the better. But I started thinking about it and I started realizing that the number is not really what’s important. Like, I would rather have fewer books, but there were books that I loved or that I knew that eventually I would read or that I read and I loved. Even if I had thought, okay, I’m not going to read this again, but I really did love it. Who knows? Maybe I’ll come back to it, those types of books. And so I started getting rid of the books that I had been given by someone who was moving away. And I had a lot of those. A lot. And so they’re all used. And books that I never read, that I knew I wasn’t going to read. And then I started being like, okay, I can also get rid of books that I bought for myself that I know I will never read. Like, I come to terms with the fact you are not going to read this book. And then, like, the next step was, like, books that I read and I just didn’t really like very much or either I hated. That was the first. That was the step three a, and now I’m on step three b, which is like, I read this, it was okay. I liked it. It was all right. But I’m definitely not reading it again, and I won’t miss it. So that’s where I am now.
Katy
Okay. I love it.
Tiffany
The interesting thing about getting rid of stuff, and it’s not just books, I’m also, getting rid of stuff in the kitchen, I’m getting rid of, I mean, an incredible amount of clothes to the point that I have. I’m kind of, like, low on clothes right now. Getting rid of stuff makes you think twice before buying something. Even if you’re not on a no buy month, you’re like, oh, my gosh. I worked so hard cleaning out my closet so that I could have space between my clothes so they’re not all stuffed in. It was difficult to do that. And now I have this beautiful, organized, non stuffed closet. Do I really want to bring something else in after I just did all that work to get it to how it is now? And same can be true for the kitchen. I’m like, I just got rid of, like, five unneeded utensils. And as much as I love it, there is a certain amount of it that’s hard because you got a little bit of guilt. You got a little bit of, like, what if I need this someday? Or this could be useful, or I. Somebody gave this to me, or, oh, I bought this in that place, you know, so every single. Not everything, but, like, a lot of the things do have a little bit of pain involved when you get rid of them.
Katy
Yeah.
Tiffany
And so you’re like, wow, I went through all that pain, and I did it. Now am I really going to bring something else in?
Katy
Mm hmm. That’s so true. That’s so true. Because it is hard to, like, let certain things go because you feel like one day I’m going to look for that thing, and it’s not going to be here. And I might not even remember I got rid of it. And then I could spend the next half hour, like, looking for that utensil, and it will never be found because it’s no longer in the house.
Tiffany
It’s happened to me. Yes, it’s happened to me, but it’s worth it.
Katy
Well, as I either mentioned on this show or on a bonus episode, I now have one of those little free libraries that sits out in front of your house. And part of the reason for that was because I get so many book solicitations from people who want to have authors on this show that, you know, we just don’t do. We only do a fraction of what is pitched. And so I was like, I gotta. It’s not like these books are bad. You know, it’s just like that we’re not gonna cover them. So I’m like, all these brand new books, I need something to do with them. So the little free library made a lot of sense. But I will say one of the great things otherwise is that if there’s something like that, something little that’s sitting around the house, that you’re like, you know what? I don’t want this anymore. You know, like, just the other day, I put out a scented candle that I’m like, I’m never gonna burn this thing. And so I stuck it out there, and it was gone within an hour. And I was like, gosh, that’s so satisfying. So then you’re like, what else do I have in here? You know? Stick another thing.
Tiffany
Yeah.
Katy
And that’s the thing. Some of it just sits. Like, you’ll stick something out there, and no one will take it for, like, days and days and days and days. And you’ll be like, hmm, wow, nobody likes that object. You know, I thought it was kind of cool, but I guess nobody thinks it’s really okay.
Tiffany
Give us an example. An example, a real example.
Katy
Of course, there are a few books that have been in there for a really long time, and you’re like, hmm, should I just throw that book away? Because nobody seems to want that book. I did a jewelry box clean out recently, and I went through, you know, some of the jewelry that I. When I was, like, in my twenties, early twenties, and things that I really liked. But it’s kind of almost like, costume ish type jewelry. And I’m like, now at my age, I’m probably not gonna wear this. Like, I might wear it with, like, a Halloween costume or something, but it’s no longer where I think it’s kind of like, a beautiful, elegant thing for me to wear specifically, or it’s a piece of something I got when I was a kid, you know, where I hold onto it because it’s nostalgic, but I’m not really gonna wear it. I also have a tendency to. Because I wear. You’re looking at me right now. Because I wear headphones so much of the time working in the radio industry, I no longer wear a lot of earrings that don’t clasp in themselves, that they’re not like a full hoop, like the ones that stab you in the ear, like, where it just goes through your ear and you put the little backer on it. All of the earrings that stab you like that, for me, don’t work very well because they’re constantly pressed against my head. So I went through earrings, got rid of the ones that are, like, not gonna wear those anyway. And so I put out all of these little necklaces and jewelry into, like, little individual bags, and I put them in the little free library, and a lot of it went like, what I thought. We live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids and a lot of, like, preteen girls, and a lot of it went like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. This one necklace, though, no crickets, you know, it was just a little beaded necklace. And that poor little thing sat in there for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks. And finally I was like, maybe people can’t tell what it is because now none of the other jewelry is around it. Before, it was like, everything is jewelry, obviously, you know? Now it’s just this one lone piece of string with a bunch of beads on it. And so I wrote on the bag, free necklace, and it still sat there for, like, a few more days. And then finally one day I came out, and I was like, oh, my gosh, it’s gone. Somebody took it. And I’m hoping I one day run into somebody wearing one of those pieces of jewelry that I stuck out there, because I put it a lot. So I’m hoping I just pass a neighbor someday and be like, hey, all right. Yeah.
Tiffany
Now, Katy, just as you were telling that story, I mean, I don’t know what this beaded necklace looked like, if the beads were shiny or not, but I was just thinking, you passed up an excellent opportunity to start making friends with the crows in your neighborhood. You could have left it out for the crows.
Katy
That’s true. I know. And I do have regular ones that visit my backyard every day. You’re right. I should have, like, hide.
Tiffany
You could hide things out there for them next time.
Katy
Yeah. So you’re saying I’ll have, like, a little free library in the front and a little free library in the back. You know, one for free, one for crows, one.
Tiffany
Yeah. Treasure trove in the back.
Katy
Yes, absolutely.
Tiffany
I love that.
Katy
I love it.
Tiffany
I wish I had some place, some way that I could do that kind of thing.
Katy
You know? It’s also. I just want to give you one more thought about that before we move on. That it’s also kind of like a strange sharing space. Like, for instance, I am actually surprised at how often somebody will drop something that’s in front of my house. And now that there’s a little free library there, whoever comes across and finds whatever has been dropped will often set it on the free library. You know, like, here’s your object. Here’s your glasses, here’s your handkerchief. Here’s your, like, whatever.
Tiffany
Oh. When people lose things, right?
Katy
Like, so somebody else will find it on the sidewalk, and they’ll set it on top of the little free library. And so then I’ll put it into the little free library, and then just see how long it takes for somebody to either take it, because now it’s a free object, or, you know, recognize that it’s theirs and take it away. And there was a pair of reading glasses in there that somebody had lost for so long, and just in the last couple days, they’ve been taken. And I’m so curious, is it the person who was like, oh, my gosh, my glasses, you know? Or was it somebody new who’s like, how curious to and how courteous to add reading glasses to a little free library, you know?
Tiffany
Yes, it’s perfect. It’s a perfect accessory.
Katy
Yeah. I mean, I also stick, like, when I’m done reading the newspaper, put it out there, you know, people will come by, take it on their way to the cafe or whatever. It’s nice.
Tiffany
I mean, I do love this very small way of contributing to the lowering of consumerism. You know, like, we all need to share more.
Katy
Yes.
Tiffany
And there are often not very many ways to do it. There’s libraries. That’s great. But it’s kind of hard to, in day to day life, find ways to at least not add to consumerism.
Katy
Exactly. Yes. We all need to be willing to loan our tools to everybody else, you know? Cause we don’t all need a bandsaw. You know what I’m saying? One person in the neighborhood needs to have a band saw. Everybody else borrows it. You don’t even notice. Bad example. Then. Not everybody needs an axe. Is that more concrete for you?
Tiffany
Like, got it. I could definitely picture an axe.
Katy
You can borrow your neighbor’s axe once a year when you’re chopping up a tree, and then you can loan him your band saw, which. You don’t know what it is, but, you know, I love it. I love it. Well, is there anything that’s on the chopping block next where you’re get rid of? Yeah. Where your sights are, an area, a drawer, a room.
Tiffany
It’s mostly my. It’s my son Aurelio’s stuff. You know, I always let him have the last word, but, you know, he’s got this collection of stuffed animals on his bed that is, frankly, vulgar. Just the amount, like, in the. In the number of things that are. I mean, they’re all. There’s no vulgar stuffed animals on there, but the quantity.
Katy
Yes. I need a picture. I feel like you’ve got to take.
Tiffany
A picture of this I have a picture of him. He’s literally covered in them. And I was like, let’s see how much of your body we can cover with the stuffed animals. And so all you can see is his face. I’ll send you that.
Katy
Okay. We can post somewhere.
Tiffany
Yeah. He really grumbles when I tell him in the morning that he has to make his bed and that he has to put all the stuffed animals on his bed. Because I think at last count, there’s between 25 and 30 stuffed animals. Some of them are very small, a couple of them are big. I say, no, you have to put them on there. And I don’t want to. I don’t want.
Katy
Can you do that?
Tiffany
Can you do that? And I said, listen, if you cannot manage this many stuffed animals, we will get rid of some. Tell me which ones. I said, there are plenty of kids who would be thrilled to have these stuffed animals. If they’re too much for you, let’s get rid of them. And of course, he won’t do it. He won’t, you know? And I’m like, what about this one? He’s like, nana gave me that one. What about this one? Zia alle gave me that one. What about this one? Nobody. I got him in. Wherever I got him in Japan, I got him here. Oh, he reminds me of this, you know, he’s so sentimentally attached to things. And I say, you know, every single time I have to do this for you because you refuse. And it’s, you know, it’s time to leave the house. And I’m not going to leave this as a mess. Every time I have to do it for you, one of them is going to be gone. But this doesn’t work, because my husband, who is very much like my son in this regard, he stops me, and even if he’s not home, he’ll be like, like the day after, he’ll be making the bed. He’s like, what happened to the Stephen? I’m like, first of all, how did you notice there are 30 stuffed animals here? How did you notice that one was missing? He’s like that.
Katy
Yeah.
Tiffany
And I’m like, oh, I took it. I took it to, I took it to Nonna’s. He’s like, but that’s the only Pinocchio he has. I’m like, is that a tragedy?
Katy
Like, how many Pinocchios does a boy need?
Tiffany
Yeah, Italians are very, very. Pinocchio is an important figure for Italians. But, you know, or what? It could be the little tiger, you know, or the little Shawn the sheep. He caught that in his Easter. Easter egg in 2017. I’m like, who cares?
Katy
You’re just like him.
Tiffany
Like, he needs to. I’m like, if you don’t care to my son. Now I’m talking to my son. If you. If you really don’t care enough to organ to arrange them nicely on your bed, it means you don’t care enough to have them, which is fine. There’s no problem. Let’s just start getting rid of something, you know? And so, you know, and he’s got other toys, just like probably every kid does, you know, that he hasn’t played with in donkey’s years. Can we get rid of that huge r that’s probably covered in five years of dust and takes up so much space? No. No, you can’t. So anyways, I did tell him no more toys until you get rid of some. You know, and that’s how I try to behave for myself as well. When I bring something into the house, whether it’s a kitchen gadget or a pair of shoes, something else of the same type needs to go so that I’m not constantly accumulating because it’s so hard to. It’s so easy, I should say, to accumulate that. If you just make a rule, one in, one out, you buy a really Cool spatula that’s like the state of the art. Get rid of your old spatula.
Katy
I love it. All right, final question. Where does Halloween candy fall in the. No. Bye. Month. In as important a month as October is for little children.
Tiffany
Oh, yeah. You gotta buy Halloween candy for the kids who come trick or treating. You can’t be that person who doesn’t have Halloween candy. But not a lot of people come to our place. Cause a, we’re in Italy, and b, we’re in an apartment. They do come, but not that many. Yes, for sure. For sure. Halloween candy is a necessity.
Katy
Okay. All right. All right. Well, we’ll leave it there. And until next time, this is The Bittersweet Life. I’m Katy Sewall.
Tiffany
I’m Tiffany Parks.
Katy
Join us again. Bye.Â
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